if only

For the first time in a long time, i was genuinely happy. That familiar carefree, light hearted feeling swept over me. It was almost overwhelming. No worries no pains. To good to be true i thought to myself.

when I was with you we were happy. Alone together. Laughing, joking. Mutual happiness which required nothing else but you and me. Didnt give a damn what others thought of us. Together we built our own world in which nothing else mattered. Your happiness fed mine. Your sorrow filled mine.

You were special because you were the only one capable of bringing out the gentle side of me. You were special because you the only one for me.

remembering the times when we held hands in the park, talking shit. The sun was bright, the grass was green. Birds were singing and children were laughing. Everything was funny, everything was sweet. Most importantly, everything was alright.

I walked you home, as always. Holding hands all the way. Before you went in, you whispered something in my ear . I promised that i would never leave you. I was on top of the world. I looked up to the sun, it bathed my face.

I opened my eyes, the sun was bright. Time to get on with life.Damn, dreams can be so real.

I want.

A few days ago in Dr Palsan's Biochemistry lecture, my assistant and lab partner Yanie gave me a leaflet. It was one of those christian leaflets which they distribute in church services, and this particular one was from her church. Despite it being in indonesian, i understood the bulk of the message. I think the title was "cukup itu berapa?". Basically, it talked about the nature of humans always wanting more than what we already have.

A husbands wants the wife to show more devotion
A wife wants the husband to give her more attention
A child wants more money and freedom from both parents

these were some of the examples that were given in the leaflet

when do we say enough? when do we say "wait, i have so much to be grateful for, and that i should stop asking for more?"

Questions like these fill my mind constantly. I want I want I want I want. I want to go overseas earlier to pursue my studies. I want to be able to run 10kms without feeling tired. I want to find the right girl to commit myself to. Then come the questions..Why am i not fit. Why don't i have a super built body in which you can see each and every muscle group. Why do i have white hair. Why do i have uneven skin tones on my belly, not to mention the ugly stretch marks. Why am i not smarter. Why doesnt my family have millions of ringgits to splash on me and my siblings.

But with these questions come the answers. I don't have a super built body because i was foolish enough to destroy my body when i was younger. I have to be thankful that i was born with all functional body parts and no major genetic disorders. I have white hair because i inherited it from my dad's side. I have to be thankful because i still have hair.I have plenty of stretch marks on my body because of the rapid loss of weight. I have to be thankful that i am losing weight. Im not the smartest in academic terms because im lazy. i have to be thankful that i have a perfectly normal brain, with no physiological impairment. My parents don't spoil me and my siblings because they want to teach us to be independent, to be able to hold your own. I have to be thankful for a caring mother and a providing father, who through his struggles, broke free from the vicious cycle of poverty. If it were not for his determination to study, and if my grandmother had not the foresight in the promises of education, I would probably be in my longhouse in balingian, tending to farms for a living.

The truth is, we would always want more than what we already have. This is the nature of humans. But before you say " I want", think of all the things you already have and that other people are not as lucky as you are.

My mother drilled this in my head since young. Self pity is evil.

So be grateful with what you have. It's the first step to happiness.

However, this doesnt mean that we should deprive ourselves of dreams and hopes. Of aspirations and ambitions.

We can strive to better ourselves and our current situation. Just don't let it consume you.

Human experiment edit

I will have to change some details on my experimental lifestyle plan..firstly, a friend of mine advised that the jogging be done before the gym sessions(i dunno the scientific reason behind this, but apparently it f*cks up your body if you do otherwise. Any comments would be greatly appreciated), so tht would have to be changed. I'll just switch the time around.Furthermore, the distance covered during the jogs will be increased to a minimum of 5km, more if possible. This being the fact that i may actually join the Terry Fox run( Not exactly sure when that is...if anyone knows, please let me know :D) and that i would have to be able to cover at least 8-10kms in a respectable amount of time.

will do a post on the Terry Fox run soon, if you guys don't already know whats it about :D

TQ!

Human Experiment

Test subject : Joshua Bakir anak Nuing
Age: 19
Height: 178cm
Weight: Overweight :D
Occupation: 2nd year Biomed student
Aspirations: wannabe muay thai and MMA fighter( Is in fact a bio nerd who likes baking)

Here's an experimental lifestyle plan which i will be putting myself through for 2-4 months(voluntarily!):

Mon:

3.00-4.45pm: Gym(upper body and thighs)

7.30-10.00pm: Kickboxing session

Tues:

4.00-5.45pm: Gym

6.10-7.00pm: 3-5km jog

Wed: Same as tuesday

Thurs: (My super busy day..Class 10-12pm, labs 1-6pm @#%$!!!)

7.30-10.00pm: Kickboxing session

Fri:

10.00am-12.00pm : Gym( Upper body and thighs)

6.30pm- 7.30: 3-5km jog

Sat:

whatever i can do lah depending on my mood and how sore my body is :D

Sun:

jogging 3-5km+relaxing swim

Diet: Heavy carb intake on kickboxing days. Less carbs on other days..Always high protein.
Bananas taken between workouts
Wholemeal bread
Less sweet and fried stuff (not totally cut off la....)
Breakfast!( a must)
milk+yoghurt daily
Fast food binge once a week. Eat as much as you can baby! mmmmmmm...
Whey isolates protein shakes on training days..which is almost everyday

Now im not sure how long i can last, and plus i have biochem II to handle so it realy depends on my workload as well as other factors..but i pledge right here and now to give it my all la. Ill update on the results in exactly 2 months time so wish me luck guys!

Do the CKB dance with joe

Today ill show you how to do the chinese kickboxing dance.

Step 1: choose a partner of suitable size. Doesnt apply in this case cause he's the instructor!!

"hello there, would you care for a dance?"

Step 2: Establish physical contact by tapping each other on the hands and arms..attempt to get closer to your partner.

Step 3: Wrap your hands around your partner's neck, and apply downwards pressure at the same time pulling your partner closer to you. This stance is called the clinch, which is the basic stance of the ckb dance.

Step 4: Once in the clinch position, you can do whatever you wish to your partner(this is a very painful and liberal dance).Here are some examples:

twist n throw. Focus on your upper body strength, giving special attention to your partner's

neck.

figure 1.1

figure 1.2

figure 1.3

figure 1.4

important: always remember to land on your feet! If not an extremely gay situation like this would occur:

Reminder: If you dont like your partner getting to0 close, you can always try to push him away.

"get away from me, you smell!"

Finale: Continue dancing until time ends, which should be 3 minutes per round.

always remember to give each other a pat on the back to avoid any hostile feelings :D

Practice often and you'll master it in no time. Great for strength training.Works best with heavy metal music or anything which gets your heart pumping haha! Thats it for now. I hope you enjoyed this informational piece of bullshit. Cya!

rant

A smile doesnt mean its okay,

Being polite doesnt mean its okay,

Being nice doesnt mean its okay,

The only reason why there isnt an outburst of reaction is that i dont want to hurt anyone's feelings.I know its better to control my emotions, and that i generally like a peaceful and happy environment. The only way to achieve that would be to just swallow your anger, and sort it out maturely.

But everyone has a breaking point, dont push me to mine.

If you have a problem with me, bring it on the table and dont talk behind my back.

If you dont agree with something, let me know and we can work it out.

Im always open to discussion, im a very open minded and liberal person. Don't be an idiot and choose otherwise.

So here i put it sweetly to anyone who thinks they can walk over me, who thinks they can fool me and treat me like an idiot;

please don't fuck around with me, ill fuck you back twice as hard

You'll get whats comming to you someday.

Ill laugh my ass off when that day comes.

P/s: Grow up. Stop acting like life is a fucking hong kong drama. The world doesnt revolve around you.

fate

caught a glimpse of you.

its been awhile, you haven't changed one bit =)

didnt have time to say this, so here it goes..

Hello, how are you?