I want.

A few days ago in Dr Palsan's Biochemistry lecture, my assistant and lab partner Yanie gave me a leaflet. It was one of those christian leaflets which they distribute in church services, and this particular one was from her church. Despite it being in indonesian, i understood the bulk of the message. I think the title was "cukup itu berapa?". Basically, it talked about the nature of humans always wanting more than what we already have.

A husbands wants the wife to show more devotion
A wife wants the husband to give her more attention
A child wants more money and freedom from both parents

these were some of the examples that were given in the leaflet

when do we say enough? when do we say "wait, i have so much to be grateful for, and that i should stop asking for more?"

Questions like these fill my mind constantly. I want I want I want I want. I want to go overseas earlier to pursue my studies. I want to be able to run 10kms without feeling tired. I want to find the right girl to commit myself to. Then come the questions..Why am i not fit. Why don't i have a super built body in which you can see each and every muscle group. Why do i have white hair. Why do i have uneven skin tones on my belly, not to mention the ugly stretch marks. Why am i not smarter. Why doesnt my family have millions of ringgits to splash on me and my siblings.

But with these questions come the answers. I don't have a super built body because i was foolish enough to destroy my body when i was younger. I have to be thankful that i was born with all functional body parts and no major genetic disorders. I have white hair because i inherited it from my dad's side. I have to be thankful because i still have hair.I have plenty of stretch marks on my body because of the rapid loss of weight. I have to be thankful that i am losing weight. Im not the smartest in academic terms because im lazy. i have to be thankful that i have a perfectly normal brain, with no physiological impairment. My parents don't spoil me and my siblings because they want to teach us to be independent, to be able to hold your own. I have to be thankful for a caring mother and a providing father, who through his struggles, broke free from the vicious cycle of poverty. If it were not for his determination to study, and if my grandmother had not the foresight in the promises of education, I would probably be in my longhouse in balingian, tending to farms for a living.

The truth is, we would always want more than what we already have. This is the nature of humans. But before you say " I want", think of all the things you already have and that other people are not as lucky as you are.

My mother drilled this in my head since young. Self pity is evil.

So be grateful with what you have. It's the first step to happiness.

However, this doesnt mean that we should deprive ourselves of dreams and hopes. Of aspirations and ambitions.

We can strive to better ourselves and our current situation. Just don't let it consume you.